Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Sometimes, all the time, I like to curl up in the past. Or rather, I find it unavoidable. Because, if I don’t take an idle doze in it, it comes screaming in my dreams. It is a mistake to think this is psychological. It is the workings of time, which works as irrationally and effectively as the body. It’s akin to circulation problems and the way that flow of blood can collect and pool anywhere when a vein goes weak. The body does not always intuit other pathways that might keep the blood in motion. So it is with the passage of time as it collects and pools in the atmosphere. It’s almost as if one has to create the phantom limb that will provide the means of circulation; that is to say re-member. Sometimes the limb is a collective limb; in fact they may always be collective limbs for all I know. Maybe this is always how time is circulated.
I miss you. Limb, limbic, limbo-the body needs touch. If I can’t touch you, then you are not here. In this way, I am limited. I have to return all these books to the library. I think this may help matters a great deal if these things I have been touching return to their place on the proper shelves. I love libraries and the feel of them. I love the cool and spongy spined books waiting there patiently in arrangements that turn mysterious even in the face of a simple organizational system. It is such that if you turn the corner of a bay of shelving you might encounter anyone you’ve ever known dead or alive. I think this is true; then again I haven’t been to the library in years. I am too busy searching for angels in light boxes. I must return the books to the land of the tactile circulation.
I dream of books making their way across the bedroom, going slowly down the stairs and out the door, moving as things that are surfacing from the bottom of a long stagnant pool.
it is in the barcode black
and white in the photograph some angles some lean slight to the left
others to right
considered, arranged, taken
so in between I remember you
your face in the right hand mirror
the ipod your open mouth singing into the wind
then I thought. this is it. this is that
which my father told me of
I am about to die. not now but soon. time flies. tempus fugits
and all the helping in the garden didn't help
the apples shook down form the trees
I would kill for a cup of coffee.
I can't get a connection. no
black and white the light scans
the rice pudding
microfilm the photograph when
stood at the front of the cottage by
the new electric lamp post.
see. It comes back
the pond is still
and the bubbles in the ice move.
I love the noise of moving ice.
I love pink
I love love
This is our land
our garden of dahlias.
And the wood
I would love to climb those trees again.
my arms are those of a teenagers.
I would climb and climb and climb.
The ground got steeper, & we climbed with our knees until the sun, naked & ill coordinated, rests upon our shoulder blades.
She slouched in the hotel lobby, her bag on her knees, & he creeps at her from behind to rest his hands upon her shoulder blades.
It got dark, & we could not move or cry out. The sun is unmoving, weighing like a sleepy wren upon our shoulder blades.
She got to her feet, shrugging his hands from her shoulder blades & says: I waited an hour for you, now I’ll wait no longer.
On the worn carpet a vase of plastic flowers, spill of grey & pink, + a penknife blade.
She asked him, how did this scar come by you, & he was learning to speak in the Dutch language & he answers saying someone cut me with a knife the blade was dull.
We had to bump the car from behind, to escape from the parking space, David can see the scar on Lisa’s naked arm as she works the steering wheel dull in the pink & grey streetlight.
We skipped downhill, no one laughed, the fat old dogs on the dump growl at us, Lisa displays her scarred arm they fall silently.
In the library I was blind; the police said now you have handled the knife your fingerprints are upon it. Amsterdam resembles a wristwatch wrapped in cabbage leaves.
She walked from the hotel out on to the street, he followed her they don’t say more than two words the entire day, the knife is where he left it in the library.
I followed her all day, & the ground got steeper & she floated up into the clouds & I prised my eyes out on a knife point & make a balloon of my tears & float up to join her.
Lisa swings the car into a suburb, zigzagging between 1. parked car & 2. dreaming horse.
They buried dead words in the library garden, a wren wakes from its slumbers & flutters down to rest upon Magda’s shoulder blades.
The sun was cold upon the blade of the gun.
It lay there, stretched in fine wire, & the fat old dogs laughed.
David took some drugs, lay down to attend to the future, a police car swung through the hotel corridor into his room right up close to the bed.
The clouds were disappeared & rain fell fizzing from our shoulder blades.
They walked around on the TV, helicopters buzzing them.
Lisa jumps through the mirror. The TV floods with tears.
Posted by Simon Howard at 08:41